acorns

 Helloo blog. 

    I've been drawing a lot the past few days. I sort of invented a new art style, if there are even any more to invent. I created something new for myself, either way. It feels kind of embarrassing when I post my art on instagram. I think I do it just so I can see it all laid out in front of me like a portfolio of sorts, but my followers don't know that. They probably think I think it's good. Not saying I don't. But that's not the point. 

    Looking at my drawings is kind of looking at my own face in the mirror. Sometimes they are beautiful and perfect and I feel proud of them, other times they are warped and ugly and I hate that they exist.

    I'm back at school now, and I'm really throwing myself into theater this semester. I'm taking three theater classes, one of which is scenic design focused, one more so play analysis, and the third is acting focused. I'm also already cast in a film and two plays, with another audition soon.

    It feels a bit scary, having so many obligations. But I need to remind myself that this is what I want. This is what I was missing last year. 

    I'm living in a sort of apartment this year with some friends, and today in therapy I realized this feels like the most functional "family" I've had in a while. It's really lovely to know there will always be people around and that they're all in a similar situation to me. 

    Lately I've been learning a lot about myself and finding new thought patterns. I've been paying a lot of attention to the accumulation of the acorns on the ground. Noticing the changing of the seasons and the physical markers of time passing is very grounding for me. Instead of thinking of right now as early October, I'm enjoying thinking of it as this time in my life where there's a lot of acorns on the ground. 

This post has been in progress for like a week now, so I guess I'll just post it as is. 

Until next time x

yushien garden at amherst college

painting with friends

sunset by the mangrove tree

~media~

audio

*realiti by grimes

*every man gets his wish by lana del rey

*all of me wants all of you by sufjan stevens

*mystery of love by sufjan stevens

visual

*the curse

*whiplash

*sunday in the park with george

*holy musical batman