dog teeth

 hellooo blog.

 

 

    been fixated on teeth today. too many teeth in mouths, stuff like that. i've started drawing again. back around when i was in middle and early high school, i was an avid artist, like i thought it would be my career. i kind of sucked though, and i realized this eventually and declared that i "quit art." and for a while i really did. every time i tried to draw i would get frustrated that i couldn't be good at it immediately and i could never translate the images in my head onto the page. 

    a couple weeks ago i saw a video on tiktok that was an ad for a 600 page sketchbook. the person in the video's main selling point was that the book made it so they never felt like they were wasting pages since they'd have hundreds left. this was interesting to me, since i was always worried about having a "perfect" sketchbook, with no pages filled with eraser marks and crossed out drawings. so i bought it, along with some acrylic paint markers. i'd always seen videos of people using those and they looked so fun, i love their vibrant colors and the permanence of their strokes.

    i was scared to start drawing, i didn't want to make something i hated and never touch the sketchbook again. the first thing i drew i liked, the second thing i drew sucked. and then i liked the third thing again. and so it goes.

    i've really been having fun drawing these past few days. it feels productive and meditative, and it's also exciting and a little scary. i've been surprising myself, i thought i wasn't a very creative person but maybe that isn't true. i hope i can stick with it this time.

 

 

    shortly after buying said sketchbook, my tiktok account got banned. not because of that, obviously. i don't know why, i just know it's permanent. i was stupidly devastated at first because, like, i can no longer look at all my meticulously saved and organized edits. this is genuinely upsetting. at first i did make a new account, but the for you page felt so impersonal and strange without my influence that i deleted it again. i think it was better to accept that the app was being forcibly taken away from me and there was nothing i could do about it.

    i think in the past week this has led to me being more creative. once tiktok was off the table i turned more to pinterest, twitter, and (embarrassingly) reddit. i started looking at more art, curating my pinterest boards and reading more reddit forums. it's been a really long time since i've felt like i was really doing something because i enjoyed it, and not because it would eventually be seen by someone else. 

    this isn't entirely true, since i still have that innate urge to make everything i do presentable to the world. i still look at my pinterest boards through someone else's eyes and i do each drawing with the thought that maybe i could post it. but regardless it is really nice to find new things i am interested in and fill my time with them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

    on a completely different note, i'm so excited to go back to school. i'm gonna be living in a sort of apartment situation this year, i think that's gonna be a lot of fun. i'm regrettably not registered for any classes yet, but i'll figure that out. hoping for more and more theater, and a bit of dance, and maybe even some sort of intro art class?

 

    this summer i had the opportunity to give back to the amazing sleepaway camp i attended for seven years by volunteering for three weeks on their maintenance crew. i don't have the energy to detail the whole experience in this post, but i'll sum it up by saying it was wonderful, i feel so lucky that i got to spend that time there and i can't wait to return next year hopefully for the whole summer.

    i did a lot of things there that i hadn't done before, mostly woodworking and maintenance related. my plan this year is to find some work in the scene shop at school so i can return next year with more experience. 

 

 

 

 

     i'm grateful for learning new things, and giving old things another chance. 

    okay blog, that's it, until next time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

~media~
 

audio

*god's country by ethel cain

*census designated by jane remover

*homecoming by kanye west

*saint pablo by kanye west

*andrew in drag by the magnetic fields

*dare by gorillaz

 

visual

*didi

*as you are

*the bear season 3