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  god, why must i feel so much.  today was the last day of school. i always dread endings. knowing that something great must at some point end almost makes great things not worth doing. i'm not saying school was great. i actually had a pretty rough year. but naturally, as soon as it's almost over things start getting good. i had such a good week. i felt like i had friends. i felt like i was wanted. i think i hang on too much to the idea that once something is drawing to a close i can do whatever i want with no consequences. my whole year could have been as good as this week. that's the part that makes me sad. i took my shoes off this week. i went barefoot for the last three days of school, and i think it made me feel more alive. i don't want to say too much, now that i know i could have an occasional audience on here. but if you are reading this i'm glad, i think most of it is irrelevant and boring but it feels good to just write what i am thinking without too much ...

  current mood is having covid :( its not so bad actually, i've just had a low fever, sore throat, and congestion. today i actually feel like 95% normal but i'm still testing positive. its pretty chill i just want it to be over😭 in the past couple days i watched some new studio ghibli movies. i watched When Marnie was There, which has been on my watchlist for literal years and i finally got around to it. i was actually shocked by how emotional it made me. it was a very simple plot and there wasn't a whole lot going on, but i totally cried. i also watched Howl's Moving Castle in full for the first time. I'd seen about half of it when I was little but it scared me so I never finished it. I think I avoided it for so long out of fear that I would still be scared. (spoiler alert: i wasn't) it was really magical. i thought it was going to be like Spirited Away which I did not really like, but it was actually a pretty chill movie. loved it. i also finished season 4 vo...