a song too hard to follow that no one else can sing

 spring awakening is over. we had three performances, all of which were actually quite good, but the last one was definitely the best. I've been utterly distraught ever since. I mean, life has been moving along as usual, but I can't seem to get it off my mind. yesterday at school a bunch of us watched Spring Awakening: Those You've Known, which is the newly released documentary about the reunion concert. I though all would be well and good, but the second I heard that first note of "Don't Do Sadness" at the beginning of the film I started sobbing. I really shocked myself, I didn't realize just how much I cared about this show. It was truly one of the most thrilling and incredible experiences of my life, certainly the best thing I've done this year. 

If theres any blog post I wouldn't want people to read, it would probably be this one. but regardless I will pour out my heart because I know nobody wants to listen to me irl. 

I took this musical far too much for granted, and now I have to deal with the void in my soul that is impossible to ignore. I tied myself to my character, I embodied her, I think, and her fantasies and her heartbreak became my own in a way. Fully on purpose, I conditioned myself to cry when I hear that song. It served me well during the play, as crying was exactly what I wanted to do in the next scene. But now I am finding myself unable to shake some of these feelings. 

I miss Martha. I miss Wendla and Thea and Anna. I miss Moritz and Melchior. I miss the rush and thrill of stepping on stage and singing to the audience. 

And now the end of the school year is slipping through my fingers and I  am being pushed by the current and all the rocks are too slippery to hang on to. lol sorry for that weird metaphor thing it just popped into my head. 

thats all. until next time.